Worst meal that I ever had?

My worst meal ever was at a diner in upstate N.Y. It was early Saturday morning and we decided to stop and eat before we went fishing. I ordered a cup of coffee and scrambled eggs and sausage with a gl of milk. The coffee came first and as I sipped it I tasted something that was like perfume. My lips were also feeling like I had just put on some lip balm. I looked down at the coffee cup and there was a huge purple imprint of a lip that was left there probably by a huge woman wearing purple lipstick. This was only the beginning. Next my food came and I started to eat the scrambled eggs. Halfway through I felt a hair in my mouth and proceed to fish out a about a 14 inch piece of black hair that as I pulled it out could feel it coming up my throat. I started to gag and spit the whole mess out into a napkin. The end of the hair had become snarled in my braces, so I had to break it off. I reached for my small gl of milk which was served in one of the yucky chipped yellow plastic gles that they use at diners. I chugged the milk down and as the gl went bottoms up I noticed a thick sour milk ring on the bottom of the gl. Feeling a little queasy I reached for a piece of toast to quell my stomach. The toast was soggy and drenched in what looked like real yellow melted er. For some reason I decide to sniff of the toast before I took a bite and discovered that the er was rancid. The only thing left on my plate were the sausage patties. I approached cautiously and as I started to eat them was surprised that they were quite good. As I hungrily chomped away at the sausage I bit into something that felt like a small rock. I felt a couple of foreign things in my mouth. One was a bone chunk that was in the sausage and the other was a chunk of my chipped off tooth. The restaurant refused to take the meal off my bill and then we went fishing.